Where I’m at (today)

Wow! I haven’t written a post for so long! Partially because of busyness, partially because life just continues to happen, and partially because I really have nothing to say. I’ve recently read a post from an amazing lady I follow who wrote practically the same thing- she wrote that she didn’t have much to say, and hadn’t written in a while, and sort of felt like there had to be this big, mind-blowing experience before a person should decide to write about it, or the feeling of needing to write just to write. She came to the conclusion that in “writing for herself” she has the freedom to write whenever and whatever she chooses. So I follow that cue and say if I want to write about a major life event, or what color the sky looks like to me today, that is my freedom to do so, and although there are many thoughts I *could* write about, some things are best left unsaid and dealt with differently.

So today, even though there are a million thoughts that go through my head that I could write about I am choosing to write about the second most flooding thought in my mind these days- my teeth. There are obviously tons of things more “important” or meaningful to focus on, but this is what I’m currently going through, and since I too, write for myself, this is where it’s going today.

I’ve been going through some major dental work for the past year and a half. I’m on the home stretch as far as finishing my bottom teeth. 18 months and thousands, literally many thousands of dollars later I’m almost finished. This leaves me with some natural teeth, some porcelain crowns, and some implants with porcelain crowns on the bottom. That is almost my Camaro right there in my Lower jaw. Unfortunately, that was the easy, inexpensive part. In two weeks I will be going in and having all my remaining upper teeth pulled and having an immediate temporary denture set. (It seems weird and so OLD to say the word denture-but I’m finding it’s more common than you can imagine) TEMPORARY being the key word. I will NOT have a denture any longer than I have to, although I realize that is part of the process that has to be done while my gums heal. I just don’t wanna deal with the bone loss that comes from not having natural teeth or implants that psych your mouth out thinking they are natural teeth. I’m no spring chicken but too young for my face to cave in because of bone loss.

Anyhoo- in two weeks I go have all my top teeth extracted. It’s sickening to me. Not just the money being spent that could clearly go to many other things, but the fact that my teeth are so horrible I have to even have this done. It’s my hope that I will be able to smile when it’s all done and be happy with what I have, that some self esteem will come back, that the rest of my body that has had issues due to my horrible teeth will return to a healthier state. My fear most being that I am so used to having horrible teeth and hiding them that when I have beautiful new teeth I will STILL hide them for fear that they still look abnormal or unnatural to me. We’ll see I guess. Once they are gone they are gone. No turning back after that.

So after they extract them, they will place a temporary denture. This happens every day, but man the thoughts that go through my mind— it gags me to think of having something shoved in my mouth and stuck to something immediately, that has stitches and is like an open wound. What scares me most is the fact that eventually it will have to come out…. Ish. I feel like the stitches, my skin, my gums, everything is gonna rip right out and I’m gonna be sitting there with blood gushing out of my mouth. (I know that was really dramatic-I can be that way sometimes-😯). I’ve watched tons of videos from people who have went through the same process- I really shouldn’t do that. I completely trust my prosthedontist and know he will do a great job. He’s not one of these “drive thru” dentists who does it all in a day. My process from start to finish will probably be three + years. It makes me wonder what is being compromised in the ones that do it in a day. I just can’t imagine.

Once extracted my gums will heal for about 6 months before the next step, which for me is sinus lifts because once they pull my teeth a few of them have grown up through my sinuses and there will be holes that either need to heal naturally or have grafting done to repair those. Those in turn will heal for 4-6 months before the next step which will be setting the implant screws. Another 6 months healing before setting the porcelain hybrid.

I have made countless calls to the office where I’m having this done this week . I’m so fearful we didn’t pick the right color… That the shape or size isn’t going to be right… That they are gonna look like big rabbit, chiclet gum teeth…. That they are gonna be so straight and perfect and sawed off…that they will be too yellow…. Or two white…. Or….or….or…. I am being reassured daily that they will be a huge improvement to what I have…not to worry.

Amazing how vain one can become. **cue Carly Simon**. (🎼You’re so vain🎶🎶🎶) I’ve been bleaching my lower naturals to get them to a shade that we will match to my uppers. I’ve never bleached my teeth in my life but now that I have started and have seen results it’s kind of addicting. A person always wants more it seems. So in picking my shade for my uppers, I’m fearful that I won’t be happy. I know they are temporary but even 6 months temporary is a long enough time to go with something you’re not completely happy with.

Then comes the “don’t make them too big…. Don’t make them too square…. Don’t make them too round….don’t make them too flat across the bottom…. Don’t make them too perfect….” Sheesh- man, you just don’t know what you really want until you have it… And hate it… Or love it… See I’m all over the place! I don’t want perfectly straight, or bright dazzling white…..I want natural… With a few imperfections. Until I get just that …. Then I will probably want dazzling, perfect, white brilliant amaze-balls teeth! I’m a woman, I reserve the right to change my mind- frequently! 😉

So I said I had a Camaro in my lower mouth- or almost a Camaro-well when all is said and done I’m not sure what I will have . Last time I added it all up I passed the $70000 mark. No dental insurance-just watching my hubby daily work his tail off so I can smile and chew- haha—But I’m pretty sure I will see my prosthedontist driving up in his OWN custom Camaro-or other fancy schmance ride! It’s ok- it’s all good. Everyone’s gotta make their living. Some just get a different break than others. I’m totally happy with the hand life has dealt me. I’ve got an amazing husband…amazing kids…. A lifestyle some only dream of. Teeth are not the big picture- there’s so much more-that’s just where I’m at- (today).✌🏻

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So relaxed you’d think it was Sunday!

Man have I missed the time just getting to sit and write… Drink coffee… Relax….

It has been one crazy ride around here the past few months getting the property ready for reunions, yard work, landscaping. But I sit here tonight in a lawn chair by the grill, our black lab Rocky laying on the new blacktop, watching Mark shoot his bow, smelling the teriyaki pork chops cooking, with my newfound favorite drink in hand. Kinky cocktail. Refreshing! I look out and see the fruits of our labor and it is reminding me how it was all worth it. It’s simply gorgeous.

It’s funny how you find it hard to just relax after going-going-going- but it sure feels nice. I hear kids down splashing in the lake, a few on the tennis court and it’s just a reminder of what a perfect season of our lives we are in right now and how blessed we are to have to opportunity to live in such a beautiful place!

I realized this morning that I have not actually went grocery shopping since the end of May. Other than running down the road to get odds and ends anyway. So today I ventured to Superior. It was nice to have no agenda. To be able to take my time and do what I wanted. Of course it was crazy busy because everyone is getting ready for the 4th of July.

I’m excited because Austin and Allysha are coming up tomorrow and then Saturday night Sam and Jordon and my niece and nephew Tristin and Destiny are coming. Fireworks are Saturday night up where we live. They are the best fireworks you will see hands down. I think the population of the town is less than 300 but thousands of people will gather to watch the fireworks display.

I hope you all get to spend time with family and friends and celebrate freedom this 4th of July. Be safe and enjoy each moment!

✌🏻