I’m a stay at home wife-shame on me or shame on you?

Interesting topic-
More and more it’s brought to my attention that it’s hard enough for society to completely accept stay at home moms, but when it comes to stay at home wives?!?!

I am a stay at home wife. I LOVE being a stay at home wife! I love that my husband loves for me to be home! That I have no pressure of not having time to make dinner, to run errands, or do anything.

What I don’t love is people who try to make you feel “less than” for your choices. I get so tired of comments like ” Ohhhh….so you don’t WORK?” Or “Hmmmm…okay…..so you just stay HOME?” Or “What do you DO all day?” Or “Ok, so you don’t have kids to raise but you just stay home, you don’t have a job?” The list goes on and on.

What I say to that is: yes, I do work. I do many things in my home that may not earn me a paycheck but are as valuable if not more valuable. Yes, I JUST STAY HOME….I have no life….I sit and wallow all day…No… What do I do all day? What the hell is it to you? If I chose to sit on my hind end all day and “eat Bon bons and watch soap operas” what difference does that make in YOUR life? So my kids are raised but I didn’t get a job? Yep… Correct! Not even entertaining that one.

It just annoys me that everyone makes your business and personal life choices theirs! Because you have chosen to participate in working outside the home don’t judge me for my choice not to.

I will not sit and justify every minute of my every day to you. I won’t tell you I am soooo busy that I never get to sit down. Truth is…. Some days I wake up at 7 am…and don’t crawl out of bed til 9- I read emails, blogs, think, pray…because I can. Some days I sit and watch Dr Phil ALL…DAY…LONG…. Because I can. Some days I run my tail off cleaning and doing errands. Because I can. Some days I visit my kids…on a Tuesday….because I can. Whether I fill my day from sun up to sundown trying to be the perfect Proverbs 31 wife or I sit on my tush and am the laziest slob in the world, it does not matter. It shouldn’t to you anyway! My bills are paid, by my husband…not you. If you were paying my bills you could have a say in my rant. But no…

I do understand not everyone is afforded the opportunity to stay at home and not work. I didn’t think I could either. But what I learned is that it cost me a whole lotta money to work. When you have kids especially! By the time you add up ALL the expenses of going to work, what are you really making? I cut corners on meals, too tired to cook after work so I spent a small fortune on takeout because it was convenient. The coffee I stopped to get EVERY day, adds up… Something I would not do if I weren’t working. Work clothes, vehicle maintenance, gas, child care, lunches out( unless you packed your own) TAXES, etc etc etc. I challenge you for one month to write down every penny you spend in a day due to work or just getting to and from work etc, anything that you spend, taxes everything. Then take your wage. What are you truly making when all is said and done?

We gave up satellite tv when I came home. Not a necessity. Didn’t have smart phones, not a necessity. I cooked different, we ate leftovers, I budgeted, we didn’t go out to eat as often,We cut things we didn’t need to be able to make it work. As time progressed we worked our way up and got back some of the non-necessities we gave up earlier.

My daughter is a stay at home wife. Newly married. Boy does she get flack too! Why?! Who’s business is it? She is taking care of her man, awaiting the start of their own family so she can be a stay at home mom.

Call us June Cleaver…I don’t know. Apologies for the rant….struck a sore spot.


4 thoughts on “I’m a stay at home wife-shame on me or shame on you?

  1. This is wonderful! Your writing is so honest and to the point. I often feel the exact same way. What right does society have to judge me for making a different choice? Until recent history, homemaking was of precious value. And I’m all for women’s rights, because they fought for our right to choose! So, isn’t saying that it’s wrong to stay at home moving in the opposite direction? Every woman in this world matters, and they’re making a difference. My difference that I make is that I give people a cozy place to stop in at 10am to put their feet up and have a cup of coffee after hearing discouraging news from the doctor. My gift to the world is community service that I’m free to do since I don’t work outside the home. My time is like clay that I can mold to fit my needs that day. Some days, that’s a Netflix marathon for a much needed day of rest. And my response to people that say “You’re home all day every day, why do you need a rest day?”, is that my job never truly ends. I am the midnight phone call for a broken down car, or an on-the-fly babysitter when there’s an emergency. And for that, I am blessed to be able to make a difference in the world from the home front. I commend you for your strength in writing this knowing that some will judge you for it, because for women like me in the same boat, it is a precious gift to read.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I agree with the previous commenter, women’s rights are about the right to choose. And people need to just mind their own business and quit judging other people’s choices- especially when those choices are working out just fine. I think some people are a little defensive about their own choices, so they try to make themselves feel better by criticizing someone else. Anyway, I’m sorry it happened to you- good practice for not caring what people think, I guess.
    And I also think it speaks to a larger disregard for the whole business of homemaking- it takes a lot of work to manage a house yet people think it’s not a “real job”. Yeah, right.

    Liked by 1 person

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