A whole new love

Im a grandma!!!!!!

I have recently been blessed with the birth of my new grandson-Connor Isaac Komarek. He was born Saturday, June 13 @ 9:16 pm. He weighed 8 lbs 11 oz and was 20 1/2 inches long. He was born 10 days early. He is perfect! Here is his first picture taken when he was just a few minutes old.

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He was so alert and bright eyed. He looked exactly like his momma, my daughter when she was born.  I actually had dreams about this little guy and saw what he looked like in them. I couldn’t wait to meet him to see if my dreams were accurate, and they were!!! He looked exactly how I dreamt he would!

I thought he would be born the 12th because 12 seems to be a very important number for my daughter and her husband. Their first date was on the 12th, they got engaged on the 12th, married on the 12th…why not have a baby on the 12th? But he came a day later. My husband said “It works perfect he was born a day later. It’s like it is “their” day plus one… And Connor is their plus one. Plus now he has his OWN day.” How perfect!  Speaking of my hubby-here is a photo of him-the proud Papa! He has a love for this little boy like no other.

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As my daughter was delivering I paced those halls like an expecting father who wasn’t allowed in the room. My husband went for food-my daughter had wanted Jimmy johns the very second that she could eat. Haha ! So he  ran for food and I stayed. I wasn’t going to be in the delivery room unless she needed me. I was “on call”. I paced and paced and wore a path in that carpet. I got by her door and could hear labor progressing. I would slow down by her door and go a little faster as I went down the hall in the opposite direction. Honestly I probably would have just hung outside right by her door the entire time, but didn’t want the nurses To kick me out for being a stalker.  I got back by her room and heard a screech like no other-I believe that was when she was pushing the shoulders out–and that was enough for me to plug my ears and run into the room the had prepared for them down the hall after she delivered. I could not take hearing her in so much pain! I got to their room and my husband just got back. I was crying my eyes out and kept telling him I can’t hear her like that…I can’t hear her like that. He, being a blunt man just straightened me out, hugged me and said “Well…..QUIT WALKING DOWN THERE THEN!” Haha! So I paced in circles in the room-about a four foot area! Haha! All of the sudden I heard chimes! When a baby is born they play chimes. I ran to the door-the nurses station was right across the hall. I said “Is that mine???” She just nodded yes and smiled! So then began the waiting of when we could go see them. It was only a minute and they said to go ahead! I always said I was not a runner and that NOTHING in this world would ever make me run. I always joked if someone told me there was a million dollars in my mailbox and it was mine if I just RAN down to get it, that I would pay my son $10,000 to run and get it for me. I run for nothing. Nothing except seeing my new grandson!  I ran! I left Mark in my dust!

He was/is perfect!  What a huge blessing he is,not only to his mommy and daddy but to us and everyone who meets him! It’s really emotional to think of the journey it took for my daughter to be able to hold this baby is her in her arms. The long path she took to get to this very moment in time where she has a baby all her own to cuddle, hold, love, teach.

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Connor has taught me a love I didn’t know existed.  I feel so blessed to be his grandma! It’s going to be such a joy watching my baby raise her baby! There’s nothing we won’t do for him. Whatever he wants-it’s his.

I was blessed to be able to spend some time with them once they got home, to help them get some sleep, help with whatever they needed help with. It’s always heartbreaking for me when I have to leave. I cried at the hospital when we finally headed home after being there basically round the clock for the first two days. Then cried my eyes out when I had to leave them on their own once they were back at their house. My daughters “momma emotions” have kicked in so when we hugged goodbye we both had a puddle of tears. I cry even now as I write this. I will never apologize for my crazy emotions ….I’d rather be known for being over the top than to be nothing at all.

Im so thankful for technology-text messages, the ability to send pictures, face-time, Skype…. There are unlimited ways to stay connected in the times we can’t be together physically. Babies change so much and so quickly. He changed every single day that I saw him…and it reinforced to me how much I may miss. But with the strong connection that I have with my daughter I have no doubt I will be kept as up to date as I can. Here’s a photo of me and my little monkey. I could just squish him….snuggling him is the best feeling ever.

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He is perfect…. Every time I see him or even think of him all I can say is “He…is…perfect!” God makes no mistakes…His plans are always perfect and He sure knew what He was doing when He created this little boy! I’m in love-he is my perfect little grandson.

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My music meltdown while mowing lawn

When I mow lawn (which I love love love to do-I’m not being sarcastic, I LOVE it! It’s my “therapy-solve all the worlds problems” time) but when I mow lawn I listen to music. Boy the range of emotions I go through while I’m mowing my lawn! 

Yesterday while mowing lawn, Kenny Chesneys song-” Don’t blink” came on. For those who don’t know it, it’s basically about the fact that in a blink of an eye your kids grow up, your kids 6 & you blink and they are 25 having their own kids. Oh boy…I have a grandson on the way-due anytime now. I started bawling my head off. The song up until now has held meaning because of my kids. NOW, I have a grandson to think about. I’m the absolute worst person for jumping to unnecessary conclusions and this time was no different. 

I sat and cried my eyes out through the entire song thinking to myself , “We live too far away😢 (we are an hour away😒) he’s never going to remember me if I don’t see him every day, he’s going to be scared of me because he won’t even (sniffle, sniffle)…know me😭, I’m going to go pick him up and he’s going to cry and not want me because….😭😭😭😭I will be a stran…😭😭😭ger…Wah, wah, wah.”

Wow huh? Time to reinstate-or actually START weekly family dinners! 

Next song-Pink, U and Ur Hand….hahaha! I go from this sentimental moment to that. Next song is Carrie Underwood “See you again”. Makes me think of my niece Destiny and I sitting in my kitchen and this song came on and I decide she should make sure this song gets played at my funeral when I die, because I want everyone to know I will “see them again”…. She just looks at me in that teenager tone—-“ohhhhh….kayyyyyyy….”😯

Then Nickelbacks “Burn it to the Ground” comes on and it makes me wanna drive fast and sing loud! I reminisce on my bff and I-this is OUR song. When we get together we have way too much fun…been told we are way too obnoxious but we typically have a great time! 

Next up-Kenny G….and I find myself mellowing and having a hard time mowing a straight row. 

Then good old George Strait—give it all we got. LOVE that song! Oh it goes on and on and on-All the while I have headphones on and I sing like I’m the only one in the universe.

Mowing lawn really IS therapeutic. Who needs to dish out cash to some big, high falootin quack??? I’ll just keep singing my heart out on my bad boy mower….

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Busyness isn’t OF the devil…it IS the devil. 

Busyness…I wonder sometimes if we will ever get it. I HATE being busy. I DESPISE it. But it is the time of season around here where it is inevitable. We spend most of the winter quietly going out of our minds with little to do then BAM!@$&@….busyness hits you out of no where. When you live on 900 acres there is always a project, always ongoing lawn care, landscaping, yard work and cleanup. So it’s these days that my husbands eyes don’t meet mine for dinner til 9, 10, sometimes 11pm at night.

The reason I’m writing about busyness is because It seems a lot of people I talk to these days are busy, and with busyness comes petty arguments and fights, nitpicking, ornery comments, snide remarks and fighting over really the most stupid things!

Can you believe my hubby and I got into an argument recently over following directions? I understand men rarely read or even NEED directions, but I’m a direction follower.  Long story short Bla bla bla it turned into a little spat. It ended quickly, but still. This is what busyness does. The dumbass little devil tries to edge his way into your life any way he can. Busyness is one of the best ways. He tries to keep you busy so you can’t see what’s really happening. Honestly the little spat was NOT at all about directions. It was because in the middle of life, he’s running ragged, I’m kinda just here, and we aren’t connecting like we should. We’re going in separate directions every day. In those times while you are alone doing your thing, all things become “your thing…his thing” and you disconnect. Not always intentionally, busyness happens…it happens. Then before you know it your fighting over….directions or any other dumb little thing.

Relationships literally fall apart over such crazy stuff. In today’s world it’s not only seemingly correct to throw in the towel but it’s easy to. People take the easy way out far too much in today’s world. No one works at fixing things, they just give up. We always said if people put half as much energy into fixing their problems as they did trying to get out of them things would be different. But it seems marriages nowadays are just like computers, cellphones, almost anything—throw away. Sad.

I believe our kids had a pretty decent life, and it’s my hope that they take from it what they will to make the rest of theirs better. It seems we were always busy-chasing the dollar…trying to make ends meet…working to stay ahead. My husband had to work hard because of choices we made. He always worked very hard to make sure we were taken care of and still  does to this day. We weren’t always smart with our money. Because of this…we were busy. All-the-time. I hope our kids make good choices, don’t dig themselves in too deep, so they aren’t a slave to busyness.

It’s our job to make sure that those moments of disconnect don’t happen and that we stop wearing busyness like some badge of honor. Like its something we are proud of. That needs to change. We can tell the little puke devil to go back to hell where he belongs and stay there. I’ve read the end of the book- he loses.

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