Happy birthday Mom! ðŸŽˆ


Happy birthday Mom! 🎉To the woman who always puts everyone’s needs ahead of her own. Some call that enabling. I say there are far worse things. I will justify my enabling to the very end, whether it is right or wrong. The apple doesn’t fall far. There’s nothing I won’t do for my family and I had to learn that someplace. I didn’t learn to be selfish, I learned to take care of people. I enjoy taking care of people,  I think she does too. Maybe the biggest downfall is continuing to do so while occasionally getting taken advantage of. But we press on and the next time someone wants or needs something we’re there.

 
My mom is the first one to bring yummy baked goods to any and every occasion/non-occasion. She loves to bake, is truly amazing at it and loves to just drop off goodies for no special reason at all. I truly believe this will be part of her legacy. Her love comes through in her baking. God sure has blessed her to be an amazing baker! People aren’t kidding when they say people love through food.

 
My mom will do anything for anyone. She really does have a big heart, although she doesn’t share it freely. There’s a tough outer layer that must be broken through first. She’s usually the first on the scene for urgent matters, and the one who sticks it out for the long haul and sees things through til they are finished. She may not always show that emotional, soft side-but trust me, it’s there. Being a grandma has softened her.

 
I may not always act like it or say it as much as I should but I am very thankful for her. I’m thankful that I’ve been able to learn so much from her through good and hard times. Ive been taught some pretty great life skills, and hard times taught me that we all have times when we could do better and to never stop trying to do just that.

 
My mom taught me at a young age to be hospitable, maybe not even through telling me but showing me.  To help clear the table at family functions and help with dishes even the other kids (even some adults) would run off.
She taught me that yes, chips and dip & Coke make perfectly suitable meals when you’re having a bachelorette weekend.

 
She taught me the wealth of knowing how to take anything in your kitchen and turn it into a meal. So now I’m known from my hubby as the woman who could feed 50 with a potato and a hot dog.

 
It’s my dream and goal of mine to be able to take my mom on a vacation someday. A vacation where we actually have to get on a plane and leave town. She will never do that for herself. To a place where she can feel what it’s like to just let loose and have fun.

 
She taught me last but not least, that no matter what hand life deals you, to put on whatever face you need to & you will make it. There’s ups and downs all along the way but you–will–make it. That the good far outweighs the bad. So here’s to you Mom! Happy Birthday! Enjoy your day! 💞

✌🏻

Advertisements

I love my kids, what can I say?

Last Friday my son had shoulder surgery. He is 19 years old, but still my baby. He came home with us to recover for a while. What I learned in having him here and somewhat dependent on me is that he is the void I’ve been missing. When he’s around I’m happy.

I’ve found myself lately in a slight ,I don’t wanna say depression, but it guess that is probably it. I’ve found myself down in the dumps, and kinda sad. Going about my days in the same old routine…which is normally fine because that’s the way my life is.

However having Austin around has given me purpose…it’s in a sense like having a little child again totally dependent on you to make sure they get their medicine on time, that they have enough to eat, that they are warm enough, that they are as comfortable as you can make them, trying to keep their spirits up so they don’t get in a slump…you play endless games of Yahtzee to try to keep their mind off of pain, you are awake when they are awake, you sleep when they sleep.

This all comes at a cost though. Austin is filling a void I’ve been missing, but at what cost? He’s in pain, he’s going stir crazy being laid up in a house, he wants to be independent but there’s certain things he can’t so for himself. I overdo… I’m constantly asking what I can do for him, even things I know he can do for himself. It comes back to me wanting him to need me. I just want that little boy back that only needed me. I wonder how on earth he would get through this if he wasn’t here. He would. I guess he’d have to. The cost–I’m serving my own selfish needs through his pain….through his situation.

Mom of the year award goes to…….😞

I like to take care of people, make sure their needs are met. I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do when he goes home and I’m not there for him 24/7. When my daughter had her appendix out it was the same situation. I didn’t even want to let her dad take care of her because he wouldn’t do it the same as me.

My love for my kids is so great… So huge. There’s not a thing I wouldn’t do for them. I need them far more than they need me, and I’m okay with that.
I have to learn though that my happiness cannot come from them. They can BRING me happiness but my happiness cannot come FROM them. I’m not being the best mom I can be if my only happiness comes from them filling my voids. And honestly what pressure that puts on my kids. How Selfish of me. What pressure to put on your kids having them worry about if YOU are happy or not.

So as I sit here writing this, watching his chest rise and fall while he sleeps… All I see is my little boy…the little boy I want to hold in my arms and hug all his pain away. Let the whole world fade… And while I have him here I will cherish every moment.

And when the time comes for him to want to go home, I will trust that he will be okay.

And at that time, I will have to trust that I, too…… Will be….okay…

✌🏻