Happy birthday Mom! 🎈


Happy birthday Mom! 🎉To the woman who always puts everyone’s needs ahead of her own. Some call that enabling. I say there are far worse things. I will justify my enabling to the very end, whether it is right or wrong. The apple doesn’t fall far. There’s nothing I won’t do for my family and I had to learn that someplace. I didn’t learn to be selfish, I learned to take care of people. I enjoy taking care of people,  I think she does too. Maybe the biggest downfall is continuing to do so while occasionally getting taken advantage of. But we press on and the next time someone wants or needs something we’re there.

 
My mom is the first one to bring yummy baked goods to any and every occasion/non-occasion. She loves to bake, is truly amazing at it and loves to just drop off goodies for no special reason at all. I truly believe this will be part of her legacy. Her love comes through in her baking. God sure has blessed her to be an amazing baker! People aren’t kidding when they say people love through food.

 
My mom will do anything for anyone. She really does have a big heart, although she doesn’t share it freely. There’s a tough outer layer that must be broken through first. She’s usually the first on the scene for urgent matters, and the one who sticks it out for the long haul and sees things through til they are finished. She may not always show that emotional, soft side-but trust me, it’s there. Being a grandma has softened her.

 
I may not always act like it or say it as much as I should but I am very thankful for her. I’m thankful that I’ve been able to learn so much from her through good and hard times. Ive been taught some pretty great life skills, and hard times taught me that we all have times when we could do better and to never stop trying to do just that.

 
My mom taught me at a young age to be hospitable, maybe not even through telling me but showing me.  To help clear the table at family functions and help with dishes even the other kids (even some adults) would run off.
She taught me that yes, chips and dip & Coke make perfectly suitable meals when you’re having a bachelorette weekend.

 
She taught me the wealth of knowing how to take anything in your kitchen and turn it into a meal. So now I’m known from my hubby as the woman who could feed 50 with a potato and a hot dog.

 
It’s my dream and goal of mine to be able to take my mom on a vacation someday. A vacation where we actually have to get on a plane and leave town. She will never do that for herself. To a place where she can feel what it’s like to just let loose and have fun.

 
She taught me last but not least, that no matter what hand life deals you, to put on whatever face you need to & you will make it. There’s ups and downs all along the way but you–will–make it. That the good far outweighs the bad. So here’s to you Mom! Happy Birthday! Enjoy your day! 💞

✌🏻

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No prejudice here -😉- My kids are the best!

Let me tell you about my perfect Mother’s Day & the not so perfect conversation that led up to it.  I have the best kids! This day didn’t come easy though-let me explain!

Anyone who knows me knows that it is super hard to do anything nice for me. I have this huge problem of always wanting to do things for others but never let anyone do anything for me.

The kids wanted to make me dinner. So naturally I try my hardest to just tell them I will pick the things up and they don’t have to worry about it. When that didn’t work I tried making the suggestion that I just at least give some money to pay for the food. When that didn’t work I figure my next line of defense is to try to keep things as simple as I can and suggest “hamburgers and brownies”. Then due to my overthinking I realize hamburger is REALLY expensive right now, so then I tell my daughter to just get whatever the cheapest meat is.

In the midst of all these conversations my daughter is no doubt rolling her eyes and getting madder and madder with each text she receives from me. I continue.

I find out she is planning chicken. Wellllll…when I was at the store it was on sale so I just “grabbed a pack” just in case. She tells me she doesn’t need it. So I throw it in the freezer.

Before I tell you how the rest of this story goes I need to explain.  My daughter is having a baby in 6 short weeks. The baby room is not completed yet and they have other projects to finish also. My son is still getting back on his feet after a shoulder surgery and a winter of no work after his place of employment closed  the doors. So neither are in the perfect place to be spending money on me. We are in a better financial position than we have been in a long time and it just makes more sense to me that we take care of it.

Also let me say, in all honesty even if they were loaded I would still be the same way…I would still have a hard time letting them spend money on me.  I wonder why that is-where that mentality came from…..

Well what came next kinda rocked my world. I get this big long text about what a slap in the face it is when I don’t let people do things for me. Things that *I* taught them how to do. That I taught her how to cook, how to give to people, how to do nice things for people so why won’t I let her use those parts of her heart.

It spiraled into so much more. Things like when her husband tells her she’s beautiful she half heartedly says thanks in a  grumbly kind of way-In a way that tells him she doesn’t believe him. Ouch….. I taught her that! That someday she may have a daughter and when she tells her daughter she is beautiful she may say “No I’m not…you don’t think you are so I’m not either” She told me that her daughter will not only be watching her mommy but will also have her eyes on her grandma and I better get it together.

It all comes back with the fact that I should be proud of who she is and how I raised her not discouraging her. She also reminded me that she witnessed many times that we did for others and gave when money was tight and we made it out just fine. She hit me with one last …”You are robbing me of my blessing by not accepting what im trying to do for you” Oh and to just suck it up and say thank you. Haha! She’s all mine!

Well,  I sucked it up (the best I could) and had to sit in the kitchen and watch my pregnant little daughter stand there and make me dinner. Make all of us dinner. It was FANTASTIC and I appreciate it so, so much! It was so hard to sit there and not help! It’s just in my nature to help-I also was not raised to just sit back and let everyone else do the work. I always got up and helped clear a table, prepare a meal or do the dishes so to take this one day and sit there was hard for me.

The food was great! It was great to have both my kids together-to have them get along! It was perfect! I love them so much! I’m so thankful! I appreciate them so much! And yes I’m even thankful that (when needed) they can help me along just as I’ve tried to do for them. You never get to be done being a parent but at some point in life your kids grow up and can help you too!

✌🏻️

Keepin’ it real

Hmmph… I just don’t know where to begin. I just realized that I wrote in  my Christmas letter that 2014 was great. Ha! What a joke! PARTS of it were great but at least half just plain sucked!!Let me start I guess by saying that it is really hard sometimes to be yourself. To just be you. When I write, I write about things that really mean something to me, that really matter. Yet there is a fine line between putting it all out there and being real or putting it all out there and just sugar coating it- faking it. I wanted to blog because I wanted to vent. I wanted a place to write whatever I pleased with no repercussions. However I have family that reads my blog and sometimes it’s just not easy to put out there exactly how I truly feel. So here goes. Lately this is how I feel:

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Overall this month has literally just drained me. I put the tree up a few weeks before Christmas and  didn’t even want to but felt I should because that is what you do. You put the tree up, decorate it, bake cookies, send Christmas cards…. If you’re me, you play Kenny G, cry and have some wintery, Christmasy scent piping through your house.

I actually took the tree down the day before Christmas Eve. I was over it. I actually forcefully took the ornaments off, messily wrapped the lights up and basically shoved the branches in the Rubbermaid container and tossed it down the stairs. I felt enraged. I felt so much better when it was out of sight. (So not like me)

My kids have been at odds and it seems there are just always issues. With them, with me, in general.  I don’t want anyone to think that we should be like Ward and June Cleaver… We aren’t perfect. I don’t bake cookies in an apron and have the newspaper waiting for my husband on his easy chair while he smokes his pipe. I don’t expect us to be perfect. I do know when the rubber hits the road my kids have each other’s backs, I just wish they could have each other’s backs every day.

It’s been brought to my attention that I need to stop being my kids friend and start being their mom, I need to harp less and mind my own business more, that I need to re-read some of my blogs and find “THAT” person…. But who is that person? I’m Marks wife…Sam and Austins mom… But  who am I? I will tell you who I am. I’m an enabler,a wife who really puts her husband through hell and it absolutely cuts me to the core, yet day to day nothing changes…I’m the one who will remind you constantly about all the things you should have done/should be doing….and never let you just “figure it out ” –learn—because I wanna spare you any discomfort or uneasiness. I physically get sick. I withdraw, get angry, sad. I’ve somehow made my kids happiness the source of my own and I’m not sure how to correct that at this point.

Over the past few weeks I really thought I was having a nervous breakdown. Literally! I wanted to crawl in a hole and disappear. I didn’t answer my phone, I slept a lot. I was having a huge pity party and the only one on the guest list was me. Boy was it fun!

I was basically just checked out. In a funk. Over it . Done. I missed the first Christmas Eve ever with my family ( mom, sister, niece, nephew, grandma etc) and that was hard. We ended up having Christmas eve with our kids at our daughters house and it was a nice night.

To avoid making this a complete downer I will end with these things…at the end of the day I’m blessed. I see pics like this and am reminded of my little boy who didn’t have a care in the world other than doing his best to be awesome. A time I wish I hadn’t taken so for granted.

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Then I see pics like this of my daughter carrying her own bundle of joy and know that I will soon be a grandma and what a joy that will be! How long I’ve waited for my kids to be able to share in one of the greatest moments ever!

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Then I read things like this and know that if we are blessed to be given another day, another chance to try to make things right, to try to make better choices, we best embrace it.

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I’m still dealing with a lot of junk. A lot of pride. So much more than just my kids arguing.  I’m not sure when I will be over it all. If ever. All I can say is I try to deal with things the best way I know how. Right or wrong. There are still parts of me that are very private, that will continue to be. I have skeletons in my closet that will hopefully always remain there. Im sure I’m still gonna handle things wrong…make bad choices…I hope I can figure it out without missing too much along the way. I hope I can learn to find my own true happiness not just through the happiness of my kids. I have much to be thankful for and could lose it all so easily. So it’s probably time to figure out how to snap the eff out of it. Until then… 

✌️Peace!

They call me “Master Enabler”

I’ve come to be known as the “Master Enabler”. Part of me takes a lot of pride in the fact that my kids, people…. Need me. The other part realizes I’m really doing no one any good by my enabling ways. There’s a bible verse that says to train a child in the way they must go and when they grow up they will not wander from it. You can’t have it both ways…. You either trust the job you did in raising your kids, or you think you have to buffer each and every fall they may take in their lives because you think they can’t handle it.

It seems that I am constantly checking up on my kids, making sure of this or that. I feel confident that we raised great kids and in the long run I know they could probably handle anything that’s thrown at them….however, there’s a certain satisfaction in knowing that I have dotted all the “I’s”and crossed all the “T’s” in all of life’s situations that get thrown at them.

You see, I’m a stay-at-home wife… Especially in the winter months there’s not much for me to do. So I sit around and worry and wonder about my kids. I wonder if my son got his bills paid on time…. And should I just make a phone call to him real quick and see? I wonder how my daughters budgeting is going…. Does she have it all figured out and is everything on track? I wonder if my kids have enough to eat…. Maybe I should just make a few freezer meals and bring down for them next time I see them…(my daughter is married now, this should not be an issue for me). My son recently graduated, and I wonder has he gotten his thank you notes sent out? I bought him envelopes… Even gave him a simple solution for writing his thank you notes out, as boys generally don’t love to do those sorts of things…. Should I help him? No, I should not help him… That would be enabling him. Which is what I do best. And Lord forbid there not be homemade cookies in the cookie jar at all times! My poor husband wonders why it is only when the kids come that I bake goodies…. Poor guy!

My son is going in for shoulder surgery next week. I called him the other day and told him to call me after he was done with his pre-op appointment. He said, “Mom, that’s not till tomorrow”-“Are you sure? You said it was today”—“Wow, glad I have you, you’re right it IS today”. See, if I wouldn’t have asked him about that appointment he would’ve missed it. But then he probably would have learned a lesson from that also. By me constantly reminding, I guess my kids maybe aren’t learning the lessons they might need to.

I can be like a detective when I need to be. If somethings going on I usually know, and if I don’t know at the moment…. I WILL find out. See, I get these feelings…gut feelings. I can usually sense when something is going on with my kids. So then I poke and I prod until I get the answers I need. My daughter is easy, just ask and she usually spills it. My son, however, does not give information out that easily. I guess that’s the beauty of how different two kids within the same family can be.

My poking and prodding, in my mind, is my way of just making sure that they are okay… That their heart is being protected… That they are just okay. For some reason, if I don’t have some sort of regular communication with them, I kind of lose it. That must be the control freak in me.

It must be that I’m not totally ready for my kids to be grown up and on their own. I still want them to need me… I still want to have the solution for all their problems… I still want them to come to me for help. I (emphasis on “I”) want to be the one.

People need to struggle a bit…. We certainly did. We had some help along the way also. I guess that’s what I want to do for my kids. We all want our kids to have a better life than we did, so by helping them out here or there I feel like we really ARE helping them. I justify by saying that I don’t want them to have to go through certain things if we can help them bypass it. But once again I know that’s really not teaching them anything, sometimes life’s lessons need to be learned by screwing up or making a mistake, not having your parents be able to bypass everything for you.

Every time I watch Dr. Phil and he has parents on his show who are enabling their kids, I think to myself “Man, is that me or what?” Dr. Phil always has this statement with those parents… ” You are parenting out of guilt… You are parenting this way to make yourself feel better… You don’t really want what’s best for your kids, you want what’s best for you… You want what makes you happy.” Sheesh Dr. Phil, take it easy on me! I just love my kids and want what’s best for them, that’s all! But do I? I want to fix all their problems, take care of them so that I, me…not my kids, so that I feel better knowing that the problem was avoided. The thoughts that go through my head tell me that makes perfect sense….

So the part I am trying to work on now is letting go. I KNOW that I don’t need to be in control of everything that’s going on all the time…But I WANT to be. For crying out loud, my daughter is married and thinking of starting her own family, where she too will soon figure out just what it’s like to be a mom who loves her kids sooooo much she would do anything to not let them feel pain…to know struggle…and my son will also find himself in the same situation.  Then, quite possibly they will understand better why I chose to do and say some of the things I did.

 

**side note after re-reading: I just realized that in my crazy, twisted mind I think by “saving” my kids from situations in life that I am, in a sense portraying to the world that I have done THEE perfect job with my kids… That I have raised them to not make mistakes… Thus making ME look like Mom of the Year… Hmmm. Revelation- there’s that pride thing again!  We sure don’t want anyone knowing that we are human and make mistakes and are not perfect!

✌🏻